


reach out to me (are you trying to get through?) ;

by youdidwinsodidi



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-15 04:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18491449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youdidwinsodidi/pseuds/youdidwinsodidi
Summary: When Kurogane joins a forum for lonely people, he doesn't really know what he is looking for.kurofai. slow burn. some angst, some fluff.





	reach out to me (are you trying to get through?) ;

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not good with summaries nor am I good with notes. This is a story that's quite important to me! Please let me know what you think in the comments. Thank you so much for reading. English isn't my native language.

Kurogane wasn’t exactly sure what he had been looking for when he clicked the register button on the forum. What if someone found out that he had made an account on a website like this? He wasn’t particularly lonely, so why the idea of signing up on a forum for lonely people? If anything, all he had been at this very moment was drunk.

He sighed to himself as he retrieved the confirmation email from his mailbox, completing his registration. It hadn’t been his first visit to the website, no – he had been a frequent visitor. He had even started to recognize some of the names as they had continued to post about their stories on the forum. He had been lurking for weeks now, following introductions and questions as they appeared daily on the different topics. At first, he had stuck to just reading, not wanting to mingle himself with strangers on the internet. But as time passed by, he found himself wanting to engage into conversation, wanting to share his opinions.

It wasn’t that he had a unique view on the world or anything, but Kurogane liked to discuss. People their views were different and Kurogane liked to learn new things and to expand his horizons. For all his life he had been stuck listening to the same things over an over again. But Kurogane knew he was more open-minded, ready to discover some new things.

_How did I end up here?_ He asked himself again, touching his forehead lightly with his fingertips in a futile attempt to massage an upcoming headache away. It was a Friday night and he had been sat at his desk studying before he had given up and had turned to some beer. Kurogane had decided that he deserved some peace of mind, not knowing that he would get completely drunk. There was some noise coming from underneath his window, indicating that his classmates were going out for a party.

They hadn’t invited him, but he really didn’t care and wasn’t planning on ever doing so. If he wanted to get drunk, he could get drunk by himself. Plus, that’s not why he was lonely, anyway. Kurogane didn’t care for parties or social gatherings alike. He considered them to be a waste of time; time that he could put to better use. Studying, reading and discovering more things. Anything that he could use to make sure he and his sister will have the best chance at having a better future.

His sister. She might have actually been the real start of this mess. Tomoyo was so many things to him, both his most important person and also the nail to his death coffin. Kurogane glanced over to the picture of the both of them that was standing on his bedside table. Both of them together almost five years ago, smiling after visiting a fair. Tomoyo’s brown hair had been so long back then, her curls framing Kurogane’s body as she managed to hug him from behind. Kurogane had tried to look annoyed but everyone could spot the grin that was escaping on his lips. She really managed to get under his skin, but he would always protect her. That was a promise that he had made her back in the day.

Tomoyo had been there for him through everything. When both his parents had died in a tragic car accident, Tomoyo’s mother had adopted him. Kurogane was just two years older than Tomoyo and back then he had just been ten years old. He had expected Tomoyo to make a fuss, to be angry but all she did was call him his brother from the first moment on. She had listened to him, made him feel welcome and made sure that he knew he wasn’t alone. She truly had become his sister.

But Tomoyo was also the person who had pointed out to Kurogane that he was lonely. When she had brought it up, he had argued. There was no way that Kurogane was lonely, he just liked to be on his own. They shared an apartment in Tokyo and both of them were currently enrolled in university. But Tomoyo had made a lot of friends in her fashion design course and Kurogane hadn’t gotten used to the noise they made when they came over. So, when he went over to complain about their nuisance, Tomoyo had told him that he was just being bitter because he was lonely.

Kurogane sulked. He argued and sulked for days. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was sulking. Was Tomoyo right? Was that it? Had he become bitter because he had grown lonely overtime? The realization that Tomoyo might be right had pained his heart. He didn’t want his sister to feel like he was ungrateful, as if her presence in his life hadn’t been enough.

But he knew it wasn’t that. He just missed someone to talk to.

After Kurogane completed the registration, he flopped himself down onto his bed. He lightly brushed a hand against his forehead as he closed his eyes. His head was already starting to hurt from the amount of alcohol he had taken in. He knew he wouldn’t stay awake for much longer as he kept on musing about his sister. Tomoyo was definitely right on some level, he decided. It wasn’t unusual for Kurogane to go days without talking to anybody, his voice growing hoarse. He would get himself lost in his studies and his music.

So perhaps it hadn’t been a bad decision for him to get an account on this forum. Maybe he would finally have people to talk to again? But how was he supposed to go around this? He knew that the forum had a chat and that had been his main intention. He would post an introduction post on the forum, that’s for sure, letting people know who he was and just some general information. But the chat was where he really wanted to go. He wanted to talk real-time to some people.

Kurogane opened his eyes as he stared at the ceiling, _hard._ What would he write in his introduction post? There wasn’t really anything special about him. And what if they asked him why he joined the forum? He still hadn’t pinpointed why he felt lonely, so how was he supposed to explain it to someone else?

He knitted his eyebrow, his fists clenching together as anger started to boil inside him. When had he become so scared of doing something new? He was in his last year of university, about to graduate with the highest scores of his class and yet he found himself being unable to do something as simple as join a forum. Even under the influence of alcohol, he found that the barrier was heavy.

He shot one last look at his computer before shutting his eyes closed again, his stomach angrily whirling around. 

Tomorrow.

* * *

 

Kurogane watched the arms of the clock move to yet another minute as he grumbles to himself. How long had it been since he had booted his computer? 5, no, 10 minutes? He had been staring at the forum’s log-in screen for a good while now, trying to find the mental courage to finally log in.

His hangover was angrily demanding his attention as his head was pounding. How drunk had he been exactly? He couldn’t even remember why he had started drinking in the first place. Kurogane knew that he often started drinking to suppress his anger or any kind of negative feeling he might have been feeling at that very moment. But he really couldn’t recall what spurred him on yesterday.

He let out a long, deep sigh before finding his bearings and extending his long fingers onto the keyboard. Kurogane moved to type in his username and he found himself wondering why he had decided that _NinjaWarrior_ would be a good username. How drunk had he been last night? He trailed a hand through his black hair as he moved to type in his password.

He blinked twice as the forum moved to log him in and redirected him to his own profile page to ask him to set it up. It was asking if he could provide a profile photo and a general description about himself. He had seen the avatars other people use, and none of them had been of real people. It had been anime, objects or animals. Kurogane decided that he wasn’t about to reveal his face to the world, what if someone from his real life would be on there?

After a few moments, Kurogane decided on using a picture of a black dog as his avatar. He decided on using a dog of the same breed that he and his parents had owned before they had been ripped apart from him. He tightened his grasp on his mouse for a second before letting out a deep breath. It wouldn’t ever get easier, would it?

But what the hell was he supposed to write as a description? He hadn’t been able to access other people their profiles because he hadn’t been signed in before, so he had no idea what others wrote. He eventually settled for the good, old _age sex location._ 21, male, Japan. That would have to do it, he decided.

Saving his profile, it was time for him to write an introduction post. He had seen several types of introduction posts before on the forum and it had intrigued him. Some people made introductions immediately stating the reason why they were there, and others just gave a bit of information about themselves.

He clicked the button to post a new thread, giving it the name ‘ _My Introduction’_ due to a lack of better ideas. Kurogane didn’t really consider himself to be very interesting anyway, there wasn’t much to be said. He didn’t have a specific reason why he was lonely or anything else that he considered to be interesting enough to be handed out.

After giving it some thought, he decided what he would write. His post had to be in English just like the rest of the forum, but for him that wouldn’t be an issue. Kurogane had spent a lot of time during his childhood studying, learning and since most online intellectual sources were in English, Kurogane had learned the language. 

He still made mistakes, that was for sure, but his skill had developed to a level where he couldn’t be distinguished from a native speaker. He did take pride in the surprise that other people had when he revealed to them that he wasn’t actually a native speaker.

_Hello everyone_

_My name is NinjaWarrior and I am a 21-year-old, currently living in Japan. I am enrolled in university studying to get a master’s degree in industrial engineering._

_I don’t exactly have a lot of hobbies as most of my free time is occupied by schoolwork. I take my studies very seriously. However, I do have some hobbies. I’m very into anime and manga (I know, I know), I also like online gaming and lastly, I’m pretty decent at playing music. The game I primarily play is Overwatch but I’m not really that good at it._

_I know I’m supposed to be writing here why I’m here or why I’m lonely, but the truth is that I don’t exactly know. I haven’t had the easiest life up to now, but I know it hasn’t been worse for me than it has for anyone else so I’m definitely not searching for pity. I guess I’m mostly here to just find some friends to talk to because I don’t go out that much. Too much school work._

_I plan on joining the chat so you can find me there if you wish to talk. However, I am also open to answering private messages. Just don’t blame me if I don’t reply immediately._

_If you have any questions, let me know!_

_Cheers,_

_NinjaWarrior_


End file.
